Unforgiven
by Donny's Boy
Summary: When a death strikes a blow to the mutant ninja family, everyone learns a little about the importance of forgiveness. Somewhat Don and Raphcentric, and DonApril romance appears also. Warnings: Character death, not depicted.
1. Alone

"Unforgiven"

By Donny's Boy

Disclaimer: I own neither the characters nor the plot relating to the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, and I am making no money from this story. I mean no harm.

She stood stone-still as snowflakes landed lightly on her shoulders. It was bitterly cold, as the sun had set many hours before, but she did not shiver. It seemed, to her, that the cold had become her constant companion. Even months ago during the hottest part of the muggy New York summer, she had felt cold inside.

Despite the cold, she had had to come in the depths of night so that she and her friend wouldn't be seen. But come she must. It was one year ago today that they had died, and she was not going to miss this anniversary.

She knelt, her knees sinking silently into the damp ground. She looked briefly at the modest tombstone before placing a white rose next to it. Then she looked at the tombstone beside it. It was identical in everything but its name and dates, though the last date was the same. She placed an identical white rose next to this grave as well.

As she stared at the roses, at their cold white perfection, she felt a large hand brush her shoulder. Instinctively she reached up and grabbed hold of it. He helped her back to her feet, and she buried her head in his shoulder, suddenly feeling much older and very tired. She leaned into him, and he wrapped his large trench coat around her for warmth.

"It's okay to cry," he murmured.

"I'm tired of crying. I feel like, over this past year, I've done nothing but cry."

He considered. Then he nodded. "It's okay to not cry too."

Despite what she said, she felt a familiar sting start at the back of her eyes. "I miss him so much," she whispered in a voice made harsh from held-back tears.

"Of course you do." He paused. "We all miss him."

"He was a good man."

He nodded. "A great man."

"And she … she was so _young_." The woman sighed, and her breath hung visible in the cold winter air for a moment. "And she was so good, and she accepted me as her mother, and God I loved her."

This time he said nothing. Wise beyond his years, he knew that sometimes no words were needed. Sometimes, no words could help.

She tucked her chin into her chest, so that her cheek rested against his. "Donny?"

"Yes?"

"I just … " She faltered.

"What's wrong?"

Suddenly she clasped the back of his head, pulling him even closer and feeling the tears burn like ice-fire as they trickled down her face. "Don't ever leave me," she barked at him. "Do you hear me? Don't you ever even dare think about it."

He blinked, somewhat surprised. Though he was not as surprised as he had once been at her grief-induced mood swings, this new tone was different than anything else he'd yet experienced. "Don't worry," he told her soothingly.

"No!" She shook her head and felt as if she were now choking on her tears. "Don't blow me off, Don. I'm being serious. If I … I mean, if you … dammit, I've lost too much already—"

"I know you have." He pulled back so that he could look at April. His deep brown eyes glittered in the moonlight, and he gently wiped away her tears with the long ends of his mask. "I will never leave you," he said finally. Donatello had never meant anything more in his life.

---

He cautiously approached the grave, almost as though he expected an ambush. Being in the cemetery made him uncomfortable—he didn't like being reminded of death—but he knew he had to come. He had waited with uncharacteristic patience in the shadows for April and Don to pay their respects and leave. It made him feel a little ridiculous, hiding from those two of all people, but he had wanted to come alone. He didn't know why but he had felt it was important that he be alone, and he seldom questioned the reasons underlying why he felt the things he felt.

The two roses were now almost buried under the rapidly falling snow. He knelt, as April had done before him, and glared at the tombstone. An unexpected anger rose from deep within his belly, filled his throat with acid bile, and burned in his mouth. "Fuck you, Casey," he whispered. "Why'd you have to go and bite the big one?"

He sighed. He wasn't being fair, he knew. But he didn't feel like being fair. Life certainly hadn't felt a need to be fair to him. If life was fair, Casey would still be alive. If life was fair, the scum who did this to Casey would be the one dead. If life was fair, April would still have her family.

And some of it was Casey's own damn fault, too. Casey Jones had always been a rash man. Everyone knew that. But he had been particularly stupid that night. Casey had heard noise in the alleys below his apartment and went down to investigate. He'd found the typical punks, up to their typical no good. Casey took care of business, then … something, somehow, went wrong. Maybe the one punk had been particularly clever, or Casey had been particularly tired and careless. Or something. No one would ever know.

The punk had followed Casey back. Had broken into Casey and April's apartment and taken his revenge. Casey and Shadow hadn't survived, and April almost hadn't either. It had taken months for her injuries to fully heal.

Raphael stood abruptly. He stared hard at the graves. "I love you," he said in a low growl, "but that don't mean I'm about to forgive ya. Not yet. Maybe not never."

---

The two had decided to come during early dawn. A hint, really a mere suggestion, of sunlight streaked the otherwise darkened sky. It was an odd hour, a moment that was not quite night and not quite day. A time of nightmares and limbo. But they had wanted to give proper space to April and Raphael, widow and best friend respectively. They had correctly thought that neither would approach at this late hour of night.

The first of the two figures, after arriving at the tombstones, sat down in the snow in the lotus position. He said a silent prayer for the well-being of his fallen friends then began to meditate. The second figure approached Shadow's tombstone and placed a small stuffed bear beside the rose already there. Then he too sat down.

Long minutes dragged by. The younger of the pair began to shift his weight in discomfort. It really was cold sitting in snow. Especially while it was still dark out. "Stop fidgeting," the elder finally hissed.

"But it's cold."

"Yes. Of course it's cold. It's January."

The younger heaved an exaggerated sigh of frustration. But he fell back into their former silence. Finally he piped up again. "I don't understand why we couldn't just come with April and Donny," he complained.

It was now the other's turn to sigh. "I already told you," he said, trying not to let irritation overwhelm the peaceful of his meditation. "April can tell Don things that she can't tell other people. It was good that they could be together tonight without our interference."

"Whatever you say."

The elder shot a warning look to the younger, which was steadfastly ignored.

"It's so cold, I can't feel my butt."

"Please! Can't you show just a little reverence?"

An eye roll. "C'mon, this is Casey. He'd be confused if I was all reverent and stuff." He grinned and glanced at the tombstone. "Casey, you were the man. Hurts that you aren't around anymore, bashing things up."

The other also looked at the tombstone with steel in his dark eyes. "You were a great friend to us, Casey Jones. Know that you died with honor and that you are missed."

"And poor Shadow … "

"It was very unfortunate that the girl died too."

"Before her time, bro, before her time." Again he addressed the tombstones. "Shadow, I've been missing you like crazy, little girl. Hope you're not giving your old man too much grief, wherever you both are."

They both sat looking at the tombstones, lost in their own thoughts. Then, when he noticed the darkness had begun to dangerously lighten, the elder cleared his throat. "Mikey?"

"Yeah, Leo?"

"It's starting to get light. We better go."

Michelangelo nodded and stiffly stood up. He held out a hand, which Leonardo accepted. They slowly traced their steps back through the cemetery, to the entrance. Mike paused and looked over his shoulder. "Leo?" he said quietly.

Leo paused also, waiting for Mike to continue.

"Leo, I love you." Mike looked down, smiling. In the golden glow of early morning, Mike's smile shone like heaven. "I dunno if I say that enough. But, well, I do."

Leonardo tried to respond but was surprised to find his voice gone. So instead he reached for his brother and pulled him into a tight hug.

---

The old rat held the teacup up to his lips and blew across the hot liquid to cool it. Tentatively he took a sip. Still too hot. He set the teacup down on the table beside him.

He had brewed the tea in hopes that its caffeine would help keep him awake. In honor of the one year memorial of the deaths of Casey and Shadow Jones, he had decided to keep a twenty-four hour vigil. He had hoped to spend some of the vigil at the actual cemetery, once it grew dark enough to venture safely topside, but his sons had insisted that their elderly father stay out of the cold and snow.

So instead he had remained within his own room, lit several candles, and allowed the soft candlelight to guide his meditation. He had not really known the girl, at least not as well as his sons had. Nor had he known Casey quite as well as the boys had, but still the rat had always had a deep affection for the human. Casey had always been a loyal friend to them, had always treated them as equals, and had always protected them. Casey had especially, in a perverse way, been a good influence on Raphael. They indeed owed much to Casey.

However, he had to admit that his thoughts were not focused solely on the two deceased family friends. He also thought of his sons—his precious, beautiful sons. Casey had lived violently and had died the same way. So too lived the four turtles. They did not seek violence nor want it. But being who they were, their lives would always be at risk. That is, after all, why he had trained the boys to be ninja from such a young age. That didn't mean he had to like it, however.

He sighed deeply and set down his teacup. Fathers should not outlive their sons. Splinter could only hope, wish, and pray that he did not outlive his.


	2. Reunited

**Chapter 2: Reunited**

The sun peeked out from behind a thicket of gray clouds. April glanced once more behind her shoulder, to make sure she hadn't been followed, and then approached the old warehouse. She gave a solid tug on the rusty door before it gave then she pushed it all the way up. She stepped into the cold dark interior and, while waiting for her eyes to adjust, sensed someone present.

"Donatello?" she guessed.

The other person chuckled. "Correct."

"Door to door service, eh?" She smiled as she finally could see him in silhouette, standing near the elevator. "Not really necessary, you know."

"I know. But Splinter's determined to make gentlemen of us yet … "

April laughed at that. It was true enough.

"So, are you ready for dinner?"

The question was deceptively simple, and they both knew it. It wasn't just dinner; it was an official family dinner honoring Casey and Shadow. April forced a smile. "After you, kind sir."

---

Despite the cause of the day's family reunion, April found herself feeling relatively good. Not exactly happy, certainly not ecstatic, but pretty okay. Don was gently kidding with her, telling jokes to make her smile, and she was spending the afternoon with her adopted family. None of this made her miss Casey and Shadow less, but it did remind April that life still held out something for her.

April's good mood ended the second she stepped into the lair.

The feeling that permeated the lair's atmosphere reeked more strongly than any sewage. The air stank with barely-contained fear and rage.

Leo and Mike sat in the kitchen, talking quietly, while Raph sat in front of the entertainment center, watching television with the sound off. April and Don headed towards the kitchen, but not before Raphael could be heard muttering, "About time."

"Hey, April," greeted Mike, grinning. But his grin didn't quite reach his eyes. His eyes looked sad, tired.

"Hi, Mikey. Hi, Leo."

Leo nodded in acknowledgement.

Don's brow furrowed. Though he'd been gone most of the afternoon, earlier in the morning everything had seemed fine. Not happy—no one expected that of the year anniversary of the deaths of Casey and Shadow—but certainly they weren't like this. He cleared his throat. "Guys, what's going—"

Don's question was lost underneath the sudden explosion of sound from the couch. A howl followed by a loud smash. Then low-voiced swearing.

"Been like this all afternoon," Mike muttered.

Leo turned warily towards the couch. "Hey, Raph? You okay?"

Wrong question. Raphael leapt from the couch and turned away from the now-broken televisions. He stalked into the kitchen. "Am I okay?" he repeated in disbelief, glaring. "Am I _okay_?"

Leo lowered his eyes. A year ago he might have responded to Raphael's anger with anger of his own, but lately Leonardo felt too tired. Especially considering how much of his energy went towards caring for Master Splinter and ensuring that the elderly sensei got enough sleep, Leo just wanted peace. Quiet. A single blessed moment where he wasn't so acutely aware of death and dying.

"He didn't mean it like that," Mikey offered softly, trying to defuse whatever bomb had just been set.

Raph's eyes cut angrily to Mike before swinging back to Leo. "Wasn't talking to you, Mike."

"Please, Raph," said April, looking down and away. "None of us are okay right now, but please don't do this. Not today."

---

It was then that Raph turned towards April. His eyes grew wide then narrowed down to tight slits, as though he were seeing her for the first time. "Why aren't you dead too?" he snarled. "Huh? How come Casey an' Shadow died, but not you?"

April didn't even know how to respond to that. The barely-concealed accusation shocked her, and everyone else in the room, into a numb silence.

"Splinter keeps saying it's nobody's fault," Raph continued, and strangely, his eyes almost seemed to be pleading with her. "But if it's nobody's fault, who do I blame? Who do I go after?" His eyes fell to the floor. "How do I make it better?"

Leo gently cleared his throat. "Time will make—"

Raph rounded on him. "Shut up, Leo! Not now!" Then he faced April once again. "You was there, and we weren't," he told her, "so I blame you. I got nobody else. Sorry, April." And with that, he launched himself straight at April's throat, his sai drawn and at the ready.

---

It was just so _fast_. Leo blinked, and Raph had already crossed the room to where April stood. He cursed himself for his failure. When Raphael had first started getting angry, Leo thought, he should have immediately positioned himself between his temperamental brother and the human. But then, who would have ever thought Raph would actually be doing … this?

---

Mike stood in the middle of the room, not directly between April and Raph but to the side. Without thinking, without even realizing what was happening, he reached out and grabbed Raphael's shoulder to stop him. But Raph, fueled with his rage and grief, just threw Mike off him, as though he were swatting away a fly. Mike barely even slowed him down, as Raph finally reached where April stood.

---

April couldn't move. Couldn't breath. For all her self-defense training under Master Splinter, she couldn't bring herself to react because she didn't believe that this was actually happening. The last thing she saw before her eyes instinctively clamped shut were the whites of Raphael's own eyes. Oddly, his eyes looked even more terrified than April felt.

---

Don had on occasion been accused of being emotionless, like the machines he tinkered with. But that wasn't true. Don felt as deeply as anyone, but in the moment, when something needed to be done, he had the uncanny ability to keep his wits about him and do what he had to do. And truth be told, this ability had served his family well over the years.

Just now, he had seen Raph's muscles tense as he prepared to attack. He'd seen Leo lunge, just a millisecond too late. He'd seen Mikey almost bounce off of Raphael, so quickly was Mike's hold broken. Most horrible of all, he'd seen April freeze, paralyzed in disbelief.

And, during that same span of time—no more than a second—Don also saw what he had to do: He could not let Raphael hurt April, nor could he bring himself to hurt Raphael. No, he would never allow harm to come to either loved one.

That left, by process of elimination, one person who _could_ be hurt.

---

Right before Raph's sai had the opportunity to strike, Don stepped in front and delivered a sharp blow to Raph's wrist. It was almost enough to knock loose the weapon, but not quite. It was enough, however, to ensure that neither Don's throat nor heart was sliced open. Instead, Raph's aim was deflected downward and to the left, and Don felt a sharp pain in his side. He gasped involuntarily. Raph blinked at the sound.

Don stumbled forward and grabbed onto Raph's shoulders for support. Raphael held his wounded brother for a moment, still blinking. Then someone screamed "Donny!" from behind, though it was hard to tell whether it was Leo or Mikey, and Raph stopped blinking when he heard the scream. Realization dawned on him.

"Sweet Jesus, no," Raph muttered, trying to back away in horror at what he'd done.

But Donatello held on. He grunted in pain, as both Mike and Leo grabbed his elbows and tried to get Don to let go, to go to the infirmary. He could also feel April from behind him, tugging on his shell. But still Don held on. Finally all three of his brothers stopped struggling and just stared at him. Good. It was about time they listened.

"Raphael," Don began, "this has got to stop."

At the sound of his own name, tears swam in Raph's eyes. "Donny, I'm so—"

"Got to stop," Don repeated. He was beginning to feel light-headed, but he had to make sure he was understood. Unfortunately, Raphael was looking at him in utter confusion. Don shook his head. "Everything, understand? Everything's got to stop."

"Don." It was Leo. Don noted that Leo looked like hell. Which didn't happen very often at all. "You need to lie down for a while."

But Don only glared at his other older brother. "You too," he snapped. "You need to stop too. Everybody's angry. Everybody's hurting. But instead of … of … " Don licked his lips. Damn, he was really feeling weak now.

Mikey linked his arm under Don's, to help hold him up. "Instead of what, Donny?" he prodded gently.

"Helping. We should be helping each other. Comforting. Instead of … hurting." Don allowed his eyes to close. He could feel April's arms move around his neck and could hear her whisper his name, but no one else spoke. Don decided he'd said just about enough. Not to mention that he was losing a lot of blood and was due to pass out any moment now. "Hey, Raph?"

A long pause. "Yeah, Donny boy?"

Don smiled at the nickname. Raph hadn't called him that in years. "Raph, I love you. Don't scare us like that again, okay?"

Raph's voice sounded soft and small when he replied, "Okay."

----  
Author's Notes: Many thanks to the people who have so kindly reviewed already. I am glad that you have enjoyed this story. Yes, "peaceful" in chapter one was actually supposed to be "peacefulness"—my apologies for missing this mistake. And yes, this is a multi-chapter story. At least three more chapters will follow this one. Thank you for reading


	3. Vigil

**Chapter 3: Vigil**

Master Splinter had shooed almost everyone out of the infirmary. Only Raphael had been allowed to stay to help dress the wounds.

At that decision Leo had been incensed. He had protested, strongly, but his sensei had only nodded sympathetically and said, "Your brother has already chosen who he wishes to be with him. It is not for me to say otherwise."

So here they were—Leo, Mike, and April—banished to the main den area, not knowing whether Donatello lived or died.

While Mikey had his arm around April's shoulders and was whispering reassuring things to her, Leo paced the floor. He could feel the tension building within his body like he were an old clock whose gears were being wound. The anger, the worry, the sadness, the frustration. And the failure. The overwhelming sense of having failed his family, his clan. If he hadn't failed, Don wouldn't have gotten hurt. Heck, if he hadn't failed, Raph wouldn't have ever gotten to the bad place he obviously now was.

"Leo, you're gonna wear down the floor."

Leo whirled on his heel to face his youngest brother. "This isn't funny, Mike!"

Mike glanced at April then back to Leo, as if in reproach. "Sure isn't," he agreed.

"Why?" Leo fairly yelled. "Why, knowing what Raphael did, has Sensei sent us away and allowed Raph to stay?"

To Leo's further frustration, Mike grinned. "Because," he said evenly, "Don is right. As per usual."

April looked at him, confused. "Say what?"

"Things can't go on like they've been going on. Something had to give, so Donny gave himself." Mikey kissed April's forehead. "Kinda noble if a bit melodramatic … but effective. Sure snapped us all to attention, didn't it?"

Both April and Leonardo seemed unconvinced, but Leo stopped pacing and sat on the couch with the other two. Mike nodded to himself, satisfied at this small victory. He knew Don was right; he just hoped his stupid older brothers weren't too pig-headed to see that too. And he hoped that Don's little lesson didn't end up costing him his life.

---

"Master, if Donny dies—"

"I do not think Donatello will die. Someday, yes, but not today."

"If Donny dies, I won't never forgive myself."

The rat looked up from his unconscious son to his conscious son. He had felt a stab of raw anger when he first learned of what had transpired, but now, gazing upon Raphael's tortured face, he could feel nothing but love and worry. For both his wounded sons.

"Raphael, I understand you feel very badly," Splinter began, then stopped at the look on his red-masked son's face.

Raph began shaking his head violently. "No, Sensei, you weren't there." His eyes moved to the bed, where his brother's prone body lay motionless. "You didn't see his eyes, Sensei."

"His eyes?" Splinter was truly confused now.

"Yeah … " It was a moment before Raph looked back up. "He never looked at me like he was angry. Or disappointed. Or anything like that."

Splinter rested a hand on Raphael's shoulder. But when Raph didn't continue, Splinter asked, "With what expression, then, did Donatello look at you?"

Raph broke down. The tears that had threatened earlier now came, as he buried his wet face in the soft familiar fur of the hand that his father still had on his shoulder. "It was forgiveness, Sensei. Even before—well, you know. Even before anything had happened, he'd forgiven me. I could just tell." Raph turned to face his master, and Splinter took this chance to embrace his son in a full hug. Raph allowed it for the briefest of moments before pulling away. "Right before he passed out, the last thing he said … the poor bastard said he loved me."

Splinter swallowed hard. Tears pricked at his own eyes, but he tried to keep his voice steady, for Raphael's sake, as he spoke. "He does love you. He loves you very much." The old rat's grip on his son's shoulder tightened, just a bit. "As do I, Raphael. Remember that."

---

"I will never forgive you if you die on me." April glared down at Donatello's still form, hoping that he'd heard and that he'd believed her. She wasn't sure she meant it, but if saying it somehow kept him alive, she didn't care if it was a lie.

She had insisted on taking her share of watches over the injured patient, though it had been a tough battle. At first Raphael had demanded that he alone be the one to keep watch over Don. Undoubtedly some kind of guilty atonement thing. But everyone had quickly rejected this idea, Leo most strenuously of all. "Raphael, you must not be selfish," Splinter had gently chided.

"Selfish? But Master!"

Splinter had given Raph a pointed look then. "Donatello has three brothers, not one, and all three love him very much and are very concerned about him." At that, Raphael had nodded, understanding.

Of course, Splinter had been somewhat wrong. Donatello did have three very worried brothers, but he also had a very worried rat father and a very worried human best friend as well. They too deserved their turn to watch and wait and worry, and she'd gotten her turn.

It was quiet in the lair. The stress and emotion of everything had gotten to the lair's younger residents, and they'd gone to their respective bedrooms hours ago. She didn't know if any of them actually slept. Splinter almost surely remained awake. She guessed that he was in his room and praying for Don's welfare, but she didn't know for certain.

She touched the hand of the pale, unconscious turtle before her. "You promised, Donny. You promised to never leave me."

Don made not a sound. But, staring hard at him with worry and a touch of desperation, April noticed that he'd begun to shiver. That made sense. Even though the turtles and Splinter had rigged up a rudimentary heating system for the lair, it still remained quite chilly down here in the sewers. Especially at night.

Without thinking, April pulled back the bed covers and slid her legs under. She nestled against his uninjured side and pulled the covers back up. His skin felt uncomfortably clammy against hers for a bit, then her warm-blooded body started to warm his cold-blooded one. She put her arm across his chest, careful to avoid his wounded lower abdomen, and felt her eyelids grow heavy. By the time she drifted off to sleep, Donatello had stopped shivering.

---

With great stealth and trepidation Leonardo approached the infirmary. He had volunteered for the early morning shift, as he knew his two late-sleeping brothers would not want it. As he stepped into the room, he raised an eye ridge in surprise. April had fallen asleep too. In the same bed as Don. Interesting. In a flash, a dozen possibilities crossed Leo's mind, but he quickly shoved them all to the back of his mind.

Not. His. Business.

Besides, Don was in no shape for anything … _untoward_ …

Shaking his head to free it of any such thoughts, Leo moved to a chair by the wall and took a seat. Though April's watch was technically over now, he didn't have the heart to wake her. She looked quite peaceful, he had to admit. So did Don, actually. Leo decided to tell Mikey, who had next shift, to not wake them either.

He studied Don's face. Don looked better than he had earlier but was still too pale for Leo's liking. Leo felt his jaw tighten and his thoughts wander. He could hear it, hear the sound of his brother's sai pierce his other brother's plastron. It was a terrible and soft noise, and he could hear it even now in the dark. Anger flared as he remembered. How stupid of Raph. How careless. But then the anger turned inward, as he remembered how he himself could have but did not stop the sudden attack. How stupid of Leo. How careless.

But anger was not what would help Donatello now, Leo reminded himself. He could not help thinking, for the umpteenth time that evening, of what Donny had said _would_ help. And of what Donny had told Raph: "Raph, I love you." Leo fervently hoped that these would not be the last words Don ever spoke. He also could not help marveling at the words themselves. Even as Don fell to the floor, Raph's sai sunk deep into his body, good old Don still had it in him to say he loved Raphael. To forgive Raphael.

Maybe Mike was right, Leo realized. Something had to give. And, perhaps, to give—perhaps even to forgive—was not weakness, but strength.

---

"Hey."

Leonardo's head snapped up. Mikey stood uncertainly in the doorway to the infirmary. For a second Leo stared at him in confusion. "Was I asleep?" Leo finally whispered, mindful of his sleeping charges.

Mikey smiled at that. "Sure were, bro."

"Damn. I can't believe I did that."

"It's okay, Leo. You've been up all night. You can only give so much, y'know?"

Leo looked over at the bed where Don and April slept. "I know," he said, and Mikey nodded at the multi-textured meaning of this admission. Leo stood and stretched his stiff limbs. "Do me a favor, Mike? Let April keep sleeping for a while longer. I think—I think it's good for Don. To, you know, have the extra warmth."

Mike gave Leo a brief hug before taking the chair Leo had previously occupied. "It's probably good for April too," he said. Leo cocked his head, puzzled, but didn't comment further as he left the infirmary.

With Leo gone, Mikey let out a loud sigh. It had been a long night. Actually, it had been a long year. The deaths of Casey and Shadow had plunged the entire family into … something. Mike couldn't quite find the right description for it. It wasn't depression, not exactly despair. _If Donny was awake, I bet he'd know the right word._ The thought only depressed Mike further. But whatever the right word for it was, it had been slowly straining all of them to their limits. Probably none of them were handling the deaths well, but Leo and Raph especially weren't. They were just both too stubborn, too insistent on keeping their true feelings bottled up.

But on the other hand, he knew all four of the turtles did that. Leo hid behind his obsessive training. Raph hid behind his rage. But Mike himself? Mike hid behind his jokes and his laughter. "And you," Mikey whispered to his unconscious brother, "hide behind your damn computer screen."

He sighed again. Though things looked dark, Mike knew that after darkness came the dawn of a new morning. A new beginning. Even though he was older now and maybe even wiser, he still clung to his optimism. Without hope, there was nothing, and there was still hope for Donatello. Mike was sure of this as he watched the steady rise and fall of Don's chest. And Mike was sure that what had happened earlier had woken up both Leo and Raph. They couldn't hide from _this_, not even if they wanted to.

And neither could he, Mike added silently. His jokes hadn't worked, hadn't helped his family to heal, so it was time for something else now. He just had to figure out what that "something else" would be.

As he glanced over at April, he allowed himself a small smile. Her breathing was slow and steady, like Don's, and she looked so peaceful and content with her head nestled against Don's shoulder. She looked like she belonged there. She did belong there. Of this Mikey also felt sure, and he chuckled softly.

"Yes indeed, Mr. Hamato Donatello, it is time for you too to stop hiding from what you feel. And I'm here to make sure you do just that," he said, though he knew neither sleeping person could hear. "So hurry and wake up, Donny. Please."

---

He'd never been fond of meditation. It went against all of his natural instincts to remain so quiet and still for long periods of time. But Splinter had felt it would be good for him, and Raphael could not refuse the old rat. Not right now. Not after—

No! Stop thinking. Meditation is supposed to empty the mind. So he tried again. But as he let out a long breath, trying to let go, other thoughts just filtered back in. Mikey … a lead pipe … Mikey taunting … Leo grabbing his arm …

"Raph?"

Oh man, speak of the devil. Leo. Raph opened his eyes and glanced towards the door. He opened his mouth then shut it. He wanted nothing more than to tell his older brother where to stick it, because he was in no mood for a lecture. But maybe the meditation had helped, because Raph instead found himself saying, "Yeah, Leo?"

Leo took this as an invitation and entered the room. Raph didn't dare look up, for fear of what he would see in Leonardo's eyes. Anger? Blame? Hate? Raph knew he deserved all that, and more, but he didn't want to deal with it. Not with Leo.

Leo sat across from Raphael and in a similar meditating position. Finally Raph looked up, and he blinked in surprise. Leo's eyes were filled with unshed tears. In the candle light those eyes shone like ocean waves.

"Leo?" Raph could barely whisper the name, he felt so afraid and unsure. Why was Leo here? What did he want?

"Raph," Leo began, then stopped. He lowered his head, as if in shame, further confusing Raphael. When Leo lifted his head again, a tear slipped down his cheek. "Raph, I love you."

Same words, different brother. Raph stopped breathing. A trick? Leo's eyes said no, not a trick. The small amount of composure Raphael had managed to find during his hours meditating was suddenly blown apart. For the first time since he'd stabbed Donatello, Raph began openly weeping. The tears streamed down his face at such a furious pace that his vision went blurry. Suddenly a pair of arms went around his shoulders, and Raph was too far gone to shrug them off.

"Raph, I love you," Leo whispered, his voice so soft that it was almost just a breath in the air. "It's going to be okay."

"I'm sorry!"

"It's going to be okay."

"Leo, I'm so sorry."

"I know." Leo hugged his brother close, feeling his own tears begin to fall.

"Dammit, Leo, why am I like this? Why am I broken?"

Another voice spoke then: "We're all broken." They both looked up. Mike stood at the door, his shoulder resting against the doorframe, where Leo had stood just moments before. "Heard you two all the way from the infirmary. Wonder you didn't wake up Donny and April." Mike walked over and dropped to his knees, pulling both his brothers into his arms.

They sat like that in silence for several minutes. Finally Mike broke the silence. "Maybe," he mused, feeling his own eyes grow watery, "together we can fit the broken pieces together, y'know?"

"That's pretty deep, Mikey." Raph laughed through his tears. "You been watching Oprah again?"

But Mike just smiled. His brothers had woken up, he could see it. And that must mean the dawn had finally arrived.

---

Author's Notes: Again, thank you for the unexpected but enthusiastic response. Regarding Raphael's very extreme action, I am hoping to address it further in upcoming chapters. Perhaps this will answer some questions about the exact state of poor Raph's mind and motivations.


	4. Daybreak

**Chapter 4: Daybreak**

Don awoke in a haze. He glanced around in confusion. This wasn't his room. Where was he? What time was it?

Then he remembered. The sai. He'd been hurt. So this was the infirmary. And right on cue, he felt the pain again. But it was manageable this time. This time, his side throbbed dully instead of feeling on fire. As for what time it was, since his brain was still fuzzy from just having come to, he could only guess. Based on the single night-light in the corner, probably nighttime.

Something still felt strange, however. He couldn't quite figure out what, though, until he glanced down and saw her, barely visible in the dim light. Her head on his shoulder and her arm across his chest. His breath caught, and his eyes widened. He wondered for a brief moment why on earth she had gotten into the bed with him, then realized he didn't care why.

What mattered was that she had. What mattered was that she was there now. If his life hidden underground had taught him anything, it was that happiness—like pain—was ever-fleeting. Happiness was to be cherished, not questioned.

Perhaps feeling him start in surprise, April turned her head and nuzzled into his neck. Her breath felt hot on his skin, and Don's body began trembling. Oh gods, she was so beautiful. The light from the corner cast golden streaks across her red hair and made her skin glow ever so softly. He could not stop shaking at the feel of her body against his. He had never experienced anything like this, had not even hoped for it.

But she woke slightly when she felt him tremble. Lifted her head just a bit. "Still cold?" she mumbled, still half-asleep.

"N-no," he whispered. His voice shook as badly as his body.

"Oh … good." April's head dropped back down.

Don tentatively raised the arm on his good side and rested his hand on April's waist. It took a lot of effort and his arm felt heavy as lead, but it was worth it. He gazed down at her in wonder, enjoying the feel of her waist under his palm.

---

Splinter stood in the doorway to the infirmary, two cups of hot tea in his hands. He stood, watching his son watch her. His son, the highly-trained ninja, had no idea that his father and sensei was even in the room, so intent was his focus upon the sleeping woman.

Upon seeing Donatello awake with eyes open, Splinter's first instinct had been to throw down the tea and embrace the young turtle. But something in the boy's face stopped him from doing so. Something that was—what was the word in English?—wistful. He had always known that Donatello had feelings for their young human friend April, feelings different and perhaps deeper than his brothers'. But he had never seen his son look so unguarded and happy as he did just at this moment.

Splinter waited another minute, as he could not bear the thought of interrupting such happiness. Reluctantly, he cleared his throat. Donatello's eyes grew wide as he caught sight of his sensei. "Master!" Don's voice stayed low, so as to not wake April. "This … t-this isn't what it looks like … "

Splinter could not help a small smile, seeing his son's sudden panicked expression.

"I must have, uh, gotten cold during the night, and she, uh … " Donatello trailed off helplessly.

"I am not angry, my son," Splinter said finally. He walked over to the bed and placed the teacups next to it. "I merely wanted to say that I am very glad to see you have awoken. How do you feel?"

"Not too bad, Sensei. My side still hurts, but I'll be okay in a few days, I think."

The rat smiled again. "I am happy to hear this. Be careful that you do not overtax yourself, however." He paused, took up a cup, and sipped the tea. "Your brothers will also feel much joy to learn that you are awake. Do you wish me to tell them now or … do you wish to have some more time to fully awaken?"

Donatello blushed, as much as his green skin would allow, at Splinter's underlying meaning.

"I will give you a few moments," Splinter decided for him. He carried the single teacup to the doorway and turned back. He fought back another smile, seeing that Donatello still wore that wide-eyed, panicked look. "If you feel able, please drink some tea. You will feel better."

"Yes, Sensei."

---

She felt warm. Her mind was telling her that it was time to wake up, but her body refused. It was comfortable here. She was lying on something warm, with a warm blanket around her shoulders. As consciousness slowly came back to her, April realized that her pillow was moving—gently rising and falling, with the intake and exhalation of each of its breaths.

Casey? She frowned to herself. No … no, Casey was … She sighed. Damn. Not even for a minute could she escape their deaths. Not even in the semi-consciousness of first awakening.

"April? You awake?"

Apparently her pillow had heard her sigh. She opened her eyes and found herself looking into the chocolate brown irises of Donatello. She smiled, though she felt a bit confused as to why he was there. "I'm awake," she croaked, not altogether convincingly.

He smiled back at her. "Good morning," he said, gently, as if afraid of scaring her.

"Good morning." She rubbed her eyes, yawning, then suddenly remembered everything that had happened the night before. She sat up and grabbed him by the shoulders. "You're awake! Oh my God, you're awake!"

"So I am." He cleared his throat. "Though would you mind not leaning on me? It kinda hurts."

She jerked back, embarrassed at her clumsiness. "I'm sorry, Donny! I'm … sorry." She didn't know what else to say. So many feelings rushed through her—relief, confusion, embarrassment, concern—she felt as if she was being sucked down into a whirlpool.

But then Don gave her a funny look. "You know, your smile is a really nice thing to wake up to," he whispered.

"Thank you," she replied, surprised at the unexpected compliment.

"April?"

Never had she heard him say her name like that before, in that soft uncertain voice, and April found that she could not look away from his eyes. Time stopped. She tentatively cupped his face in one hand, stroking his cheek with her thumb, and he opened his mouth to speak again.

" Don!" They both broke eye contact to look at the doorway, where Raphael stood in shock. "You're okay!" Raph looked over his shoulder and yelled, "Hey, he's awake! Get yer shells in here!"

Before Raph could throw himself at Don, April quickly slipped out from underneath the blankets and stepped to the side. A moment later, Raph launched himself at the bed, overjoyed, and hugged Don to his chest as one would a small child. Don hugged his brother back with his good arm as Raph kept murmuring, "I love you, Donny, I love you," over and over again.

As the rest of the clan came hurtling into the room, April watched with a smile and a curious feeling in her chest. And when she caught Don's eye, as he looked up from the swarm of family surrounding him, the curious feeling only deepened.

---

Author's Notes: A bit shorter than the other chapters, but a chance to focus on that purple-wearin' guy that I'd _claimed_ would be the one center-stage.


	5. Understanding

**Chapter 5: Understanding**

Mikey hummed as he worked. He clicked the computer mouse a few more times then sat back to view his handiwork. Beautiful. Just beautiful. Satisfied, he grinned.

"What're you doing on my computer?" mumbled Donatello, still half-asleep from a nap and wondering why Michelangelo was in his bedroom.

"Nothin'."

Don sat up, wincing a little at the sudden pain in his side. "Hmm. I don't think I believe you."

"Aw." Mike pouted, pretending to be hurt. "But I'm your favoritest little brother!"

"You're my only little brother," Don pointed out dryly. But a small smile played on his lips.

Mike smiled back. "You really wanna know?"

Don had wanted to know, but now he wasn't sure. Not with that crazy, mischievous grin on Mikey's face. Swallowing hard, Don tentatively said, "Sure."

---

April sat at home, or what used to feel like home, with a bottle of beer sweating in her hand. The cold liquid felt good as it slid down her throat. She hadn't wanted to leave the lair—had fought tooth and nail to stay—but Donatello had insisted she go home to get some proper rest. Darn him and his stupid selflessness. So, after receiving assurances from Splinter that Don would be properly watched and cared for, she had reluctantly returned to her apartment.

A sharp rapping on the window broke into her thoughts. She leapt from the couch and whirled around. A bulky, shadowed figure sat outside the window. April let out a sigh of relief. Definitely a turtle, of the mutated ninja variety. But which brother?

She made her way over to the window to unlock it.

Don? No. No, he wouldn't dare. She would kill him if he was actually reckless enough to leave the lair while still recovering. Leo? But Leo wouldn't leave Don's side for a millisecond at a time like this, she knew. Mike? Maybe Mike. Though she couldn't think of a reason why—

"Raph," April said in a flat voice, seeing her visitor clearly now that the window was open.

Raphael dropped down gracefully into the room. "Hey, April."

She glared at him, feeling utterly torn. There was anger, of course. But with the anger came guilt—this was, after all, her dead husband's best friend. The best friend who was hurting, just like her, and missing Casey, just like her. She wanted to hug him and slap him, not necessarily in that order.

"You almost killed my best friend," she accused in a soft voice.

Raph flinched. "Yeah. I know." He looked out the window he'd just entered through. "Almost killed you, too."

"I don't care about me," April said, "I care about _him_. If I'd lost him too … " She couldn't bring herself to finish the comment aloud, but silently thought, _If I'd lost him too, I would have killed you with my own hands. And then maybe killed myself._

Raph kept staring out the window. Not moving a muscle.

"Why are you here, Raphael?"

"Came to apologize."

"For what?"

Finally he looked to her. "For everything, April."

---

Don squinted at the computer screen, frowning. "No," he said, with a finality that made Mike's heart sink.

"But Donny—"

Don was shaking his head gently now. Never a hopeful sign. "This isn't a good idea."

"No, giving April a mixed CD of love songs is a _great_ idea."

"In what way, shape, or form, Michelangelo?"

Mike snorted and rolled his eyes at Don's use of his full name. "It's a great idea," he began very patiently, "because as much as I love you, bro, it cannot be said that you're good at talking about your feelings. Or particularly poetic. So instead of getting things all wrong, you can just let Mr. Sinatra and Mr. Presley do the talking instead. You can't go wrong!"

"But who said that this is even something I want to say to April? April is my—she's _our_ friend, Mike, and she's—ye gods, she's practically our sister."

"Donny." Mikey's voice grew gentle, and his eyes softened. "Maybe you don't realize, but you say these things to April every time you look at her. It's all over your face how much you love her. She's just been having a hard time speaking that language, so you gotta say it in actual words."

Don looked away and muttered something in Japanese. Mike couldn't be entirely certain, as his fluency was a bit rusty, but he was pretty sure Don was cursing him.

When Don wouldn't meet his eyes, Mike hit the eject button on the CD-ROM drive, grabbed the newly-burned disc, and thrust it into Donatello's hands. "Here," Mike said with an exaggerated sigh. "Just think it over. Okay?" Before Don could answer, Mike left the room in a huff, feeling thoroughly fed-up.

For such a smart guy, his brother could be such an _idiot_ sometimes.

---

Her eyes remained hard. "Okay, then. Apologize."

Raphael took a deep breath and tried to compose himself. He had to remember that she had every right to be angry. Every right to want to hurt him. To try to hurt him.

"I'm sorry for hurting Donny," he said. "I'm sorry because I love him, and I hate that it was me that hurt him. I'm sorry because I love you, and I hate that me hurting Don hurt you too."

She took a sip from her bottle. He guessed this was a good an indication to continue as he was going to get.

"I'm sorry for taking out my crap on you. I'm sorry I said things that made it seem like I was blaming you for what happened with Casey and Shadow, when it was my fault."

April interrupted, "It wasn't your fault."

"It was my job to have Casey's back. He always had mine."

"Still not your fault." She shook her head then gestured for him to continue.

"I don't blame you," he said, willing her with his eyes to believe him. "I swear I don't. It just hurts, is all. It hurts, and nothing I say or do makes the hurt go away. I just wish I could _do_ something."

"Raph, I don't blame you either." For just a moment her face softened before the hard look came back in. "I do blame you for yesterday, though."

He nodded. "I blame me too." Then he grew tentative again. "I don't know why I do things like this, April."

April snorted. "Of course you do." When she saw the anger flare in his eyes before he swallowed it down, she shook her head and pointed. "Right there. That's why."

"What're you talking about?"

"What I said made you angry. But you're pretending it didn't. That's not healthy, Raph. You can't just keep all that stuff inside, or it all comes out like it did yesterday. You gotta talk about what's going on."

Raph turned away, so that he wouldn't glare at her. "You're crazy. Talking ain't gonna bring him back."

"Your apology is really starting to suck," April informed him, but Raph didn't think she sounded angry. More tired than anything. She walked into the kitchen and came back with a second bottle of beer. Then she headed over to the couch and sat down. "Come sit with me."

There was no refusing, and they both knew it. So he sat down.

---

"Sensei, I'm still angry at him."

Master Splinter took the bowl of broth his son offered and sipped lightly. "As am I, Leonardo."

Leo blinked in surprise. He hadn't expected that response. "Really?"

"Yes. Really." A ghost of a smile passed over the old rat's muzzle. "Raphael is not a bad person, but his rashness and lack of self-control almost cost the life of a son I love dearly. That such was brought about by a son I love just as dearly makes it all the worse."

"It's just—he went too far this time, Sensei."

"Yes. He did."

Frustrated with Splinter's overly-calm agreement, Leo growled and looked away.

"You disagree with how I have handled the situation," Splinter observed mildly.

"What?" Leo turned back but instead of looking into his father's eyes, he studied the intricate wall-hanging above the bed. In the soft candlelight, the gold threads woven through the tapestry glowed in a familiar, comforting way. "No, Master, I don't want you to think that."

Splinter set down his bowl on the low table beside the bed. He placed a gentle paw over Leonardo's hand. "You are free to disagree with me, Leonardo. Though you seem never to believe it, you have always been free to disagree with me. I only ask that you listen to my position and consider it."

Leo bit his lip, thinking. Finally his eyes met Splinter's steady gaze. "I am listening, Master."

"I have looked into Raphael's eyes and seen his torment. I could devise any number of punishments or give any number of lectures, but there is nothing I could do that would equal what Raphael must face every time he looks upon Donatello's face." He sighed softly. "Or the face of any of us."

"I think … I think I understand."

---

"You pulled a sai on me, Raph," April began.

"I know, and I'm sorry—"

"No!" April grabbed his wrist, startling him. "Listen to me! You pulled a _sai_. Because you're so pissed off, you can't handle it. What happens the next time you get that enraged? Is it going to be Mikey? Leo? What happens if we're not as lucky?"

Raph started shaking his head, quickly, too quickly. Too quickly for anything she was saying to sink in. "I ain't gonna get angry like that again. Won't let it happen."

"Life is full of things to be angry about." She paused, frowned thoughtfully, then continued, "Splinter is getting older, you know, getting sick more often. Someday he'll die too. Then what?"

His eyes went wide. His breathing grew ragged, a sure sign that he was starting to get upset.

She decided not to push him too far. She'd already pushed much farther than even Leo usually pushed. "It's time to grow up, Raphael, and take control of this. Before it takes control of you."

He stared at her, hard. His breathing was the only sound in the room, and it was deafening.

Then, one final push: "Do it for Don, if not for yourself. You owe him that much."

Finally he broke the stare and looked down at his lap, defeated. April noticed her hand was still on his wrist, and she slipped it down over his hand, stroking his large thumb with her fingertips. She took a deep, steadying breath. "I'm pissed at him, too," she offered, trying to break the ice.

"Huh? Pissed at Donny?"

"No. Casey."

His eyes clouded with confusion. "What'd Casey do to ya?"

"Same thing he did to you. He left me. He died."

---

Mikey banged the pot loudly onto the stove. It made him feel a little less frustrated. He was like Raph that way, actually—getting physical helped cool his temper. Unlike Raph, however, the cooling-down process generally worked a little faster with Mike. As he bustled about the kitchen preparing dinner, Mike already felt his frustration ebbing away. That was a way that Mike was like Don—slow to anger, quick to cool down.

"Mikey?" Leo stood there, a concerned look on his face and an empty bowl in his hands. "I heard a crash. What's wrong?"

"He can be so stubborn, Leo."

Leo laughed lightly. "Raph? Yeah, well, we all knew that already."

"No." Mike paused, then grinned despite his bad mood. "Well, actually, _yeah_. But that's not the brother who's being a particular pain at the moment." He glanced around the kitchen. "Y'know, I haven't seen much of Raph today, now that you mention it."

"Hope he's not doing anything too stupid," Leo grumbled. Then he cocked his head. "Wait. Don's the one being stubborn? About what?"

"About April."

"What about April?"

Mike stared.

Leo felt his face flush. "Oh. _That._"

"Yeah. That." Mike handed a bunch of carrots to Leo, along with a knife. "Chop these?"

Quietly taking what he was handed, Leo sat down at the counter and began chopping.

Mikey let out his breath in a deep sigh. "He loves her so much, Leo. He's always loved her. And it kills me to see him hurting and holding back."

"Maybe it's for the best. She's always been like a sister to us. And she's still obviously mourning for Casey."

Neither of them added that Donatello was a mutant turtle and not a human. They didn't have to.

Leo popped a piece of carrot into his mouth and munched thoughtfully. "Mikey, I think you need to leave him alone. He's gonna do what he's gonna do. You can't force him into anything, even if that were the right way to go about things."

"Excuse me?" Mike chuckled and grabbed the carrots from the counter. "Since when, exactly, are you a 'que sera, sera' kinda guy, Leo?"

Leo grinned. "Since I had a talk with Sensei."

Mikey grinned back. "Oh." As he dumped the carrots into the pot, he realized that his bad mood was long gone. Oh, well. It was good and grumpy while it lasted. He began humming. "Gotta love Sensei."

---

Ice properly broken, they'd spent over an hour swapping stories, drinking beer, and telling jokes.

Raph laughed so hard, his sides felt like they might split. "You shoulda been there, April! Guy mopped the floor with me. When I asked Donny to patch me up, he wouldn't stop complaining."

April laughed too. "Really?"

"Oh, yeah. 'Raph, what'd you do? Get in a fight with a garbage compactor?'" He wiped a tear from his eye. "Poor Don."

"No kidding."

"Wasn't my fault, though! The bonehead wouldn't listen to me. I told him right from the get-go that we oughta be on the same side." He shook his head, chuckling.

April leaned back into the couch. "He was so set in his ways. Always thought he was right, thought he knew best."

"Yeah. What an idiot he was." Raph smiled. "I miss him a lot."

"Me too."

Raph stood up and sighed. "Guess I'd better get going. Leo's probably having kittens, with how long I've been gone."

April stood up too. "I'm glad you came over, Raph," she said, tentative, not meeting his eyes.

"Yeah? Huh." Before slipping out the window, Raph turned back. April still stood there, facing him. The light from the streetlamps reflected in his dark eyes. "It was nice. Talking about him, I mean."

"You still pissed at Casey?"

He thought it over. "Yeah, kinda. Mostly just pissed in general. How 'bout you?"

"A little. Not as much as before, though."

"Yeah? Huh," he repeated. A smirk flashed across his face. "Guess you was right, April. About talking and all."

Before April could recover from the shock of _Raphael_ telling her she was right about something, he had disappeared into the night.

"No kidding," she whispered to her empty window.

---

Author's Notes: Poor Don, I know! I love the guy, but I'm doing such terrible things to him. As for whether Raph's poor timing was intentional or not … well. We may never know.


	6. Changes

**Chapter 6: Changes**

Donatello gritted his teeth. He loved his brother—he loved all his brothers—but even he, of the mild manner and legendary patience, had his limits. Raphael was quickly approaching them.

"How's that, Don? You nice and comfy?"

Don cleared his throat. "Raph, I just wanted to say thanks for bringing me more blankets. Again. For the second time within the last hour." A pause while Raph thrust a glass of water at him. Obediently he took a sip. "But I'm really—" He cut off.

Raph must have sensed where Don was going, because once again his face was shadowed by the guilt-ridden, haunted expression that made Don's heart ache. "Yeah? You was saying?"

When Raph was around the brother he'd almost killed, Don knew that the only thing that took away the shadows was letting Raph fuss over him. Feeling like he was helping with Don's pain eased Raph's own. Don sighed. He couldn't take that away from Raph, no matter how annoying this new over-attentive streak was.

So Don shot his brother a lop-sided smile. "I'm really glad I have you for a brother," he said.

Raph quickly looked away. "Likewise, Donny boy."

---

"He's worse than Leo ever was," whispered Mikey in a low conspiratorial voice, eyes laughing.

"That's impossible."

"You would think that, wouldn't you? But no." He leaned in close, lowering his voice even further. "Raph? Is fluffing Donny's pillows. Let me repeat: Fluffing … Donny's … pillows."

She laughed.

"Oh, and you shoulda _seen_ Don's face when Raph wouldn't let him go play in his lab for a bit. Raph told him he needed to stay in bed, resting."

She shook her head in wonder. "That is some impressive overcompensating."

Mike nodded. "And poor Leo just doesn't know what to do with himself. Since Raph's worrying about every little thing these days, there's nothing left for him to worry over."

"I can hear you two talking, you know," Leonardo called out from his position in the armchair. He glanced up from a book he was reading, one eye-ridge raised in mock indignation.

April grinned at him. She walked over to the chair and patted Leo's shoulder. "My condolences to all of you."

Before Leo could respond, Raph walked into the main room, shaking his head. When he saw April, he flinched for just a moment before grinning. "April! Hey! You better go see him." He jerked his head to indicate Don's room. "I think the guy's startin' to get a little stir-crazy."

"No-o," Mikey drawled. Raph grabbed a pillow from the couch and threw it, but Mike ducked just in time.

Leo looked up from his book again. In complete deadpan, he said, "You'd better go, April. Before a full-fledged war breaks out." He turned to Mike, who was still dodging Raph's pillow-bombs. "And _you_ better go see Sensei. He asked to talk to you over an hour ago, Mikey."

---

"I got you a surprise." She grinned as wide as a kid on Christmas morning, looking down at where Don lay in bed, with no fewer than three blankets piled on top of him.

Don set down the book he'd been reading. "Oh? You didn't have to."

"Sure I did." She sat on the edge of his bed and shrugged off the bag slung over her shoulders. "It's in here."

Carefully Don sat up in bed, took the bag, and peered inside. As soon as he saw it, his eyes went teary.

A laptop.

Praise the gods.

"You wouldn't believe how long it's been since I've been on my own computer," he murmured, reverently taking out the laptop and cradling it to his chest. "Before Raph—I mean, before I got hurt, I'd been working on a new program for the security systems. I was _so_ close to finishing it."

"He means well, you know."

"I know he does. And it's really sweet that he's trying so hard to take care of me." He looked up from the computer and gave her a broad smile. "But it's still annoying."

Seeing Don smile like that, at her, for her, made her grin even harder. Instinctively April leaned forward to kiss him. She'd meant to just peck his cheek, but somehow her lips found his mouth instead.

---

"Sensei?" Mikey peered around his master's room curiously. "Leo said you wanted to talk to me?"

"Yes, my son. Please join me."

Mike cautiously approached the bed where it seemed Splinter spent so much time lately. His brow crinkled in confusion. He hadn't done anything wrong. Well, not lately, anyways. So what did Splinter want him for?

"You have done well, Michelangelo," the rat began softly, as Mike knelt next to the bed, "in looking after your brothers."

Brow furrowed, Mike waited for his father to continue. When he didn't, Mike ventured, "I don't understand, Sensei."

Master Splinter nodded thoughtfully. "I have tried to look after your needs these many years. Your lives … I have always known they would not be easy, and indeed they have not been."

Mike smiled. "It doesn't matter, Master. We love you, and we love each other. That's all we need."

"And I love the four of you," Splinter replied, sounding pleased. "You, above your brothers, are most in tune with the emotional needs of our clan. Leonardo keeps you prepared with his training, Raphael keeps you protected with his vigilance, and Donatello keeps you comfortable with his innovations. But you, Michelangelo, keep us happy."

For perhaps the first time in his life, Mikey didn't know what to say.

"Your brothers," Splinter continued, "are very focused, quite correctly, on the physical safety of our clan. But they do so to the neglect of their own emotional well-being."

Mikey thought it over then looked Splinter in the eye. "What would you like to ask me for, Sensei? Whatever you ask, I'll do it. I promise."

The rat sighed and absent-mindedly stroked the coarse gray fur on his chin. "Your brothers have had a very hard time coming to terms with the death of Mr. Jones. I have tried to help in my small way, but—" He looked away and sighed again. "—I will not be able to help when the time of my own death comes. This _you_ must do, Michelangelo."

"But I've already failed." Mike hung his head. "With Casey, I mean. Just look at what happened with Raph and Don … "

"It was most regrettable, but it was not in any way your fault. I am old, and I am restricted to my bed for much of my time, but I am not blind. I see how your love and your faith sustain your brothers, though you do not." He reached out and took Mike's face in both paws, lifting his head up. The candlelight danced in the turtle's deep brown eyes. "When the time comes, you will know what to do, my son. Trust that you will know."

Mike swallowed hard. "I'll try, Father." He forced a smile. "Just don't go riding off into the sunset anytime too soon, okay?"

Splinter returned the smile. "I shall also try, my son."

---

She tasted warm and somewhat salty. Warmth wasn't really a taste, strictly speaking, but Donatello was in no position to be thinking in a strict manner about anything. He was in no position to think, period. Instead he found himself responding instinctively, returning her kiss.

He decided he liked the saltiness.

Her arms went around his shoulders as she leaned against him, and her weight pushed him back down into the pillows. Don didn't mind—until April's laptop, now wedged between them, pushed against his bandaged side. He let out a surprised yelp of pain, and April immediately broke away. She sat up, breathing hard.

And, just like that, the spell was broken.

She looked down at him with an expression he couldn't begin to decipher, and he closed his eyes so that he wouldn't have to look back. For some reason, he felt everything would be all right if he just kept his eyes shut tight. He didn't even open them when he heard her mumble an apology and leave.

-----

Author's Notes: Mike really is a sweetheart, isn't he? And in this chapter we see a bit of how Raph and Don are interrelating, as well as follow-up to Don and April's night in bed together.

And just in case it isn't blindingly obvious by now: yes, I'm totally a Don/April shipper. In upcoming chapters, while all the guys still have a part, focus will shift more to Don/April romantic angst. Just thought I should give a fair warning.


	7. Fear

**Chapter 7: Fear**

Muttering curses, Raphael trudged through the slush of newly-melting snow. He hated when snow started melting. It no longer had the aesthetic appeal of fresh-fallen snow, pure and white. It became dingy gray from being walked upon, and its wetness seeped through his shoes. He scowled at the ground.

But when he reached his destination, the scowl slid from his face and was replaced by a faint smile. He reached out a hand and touched the tombstone. "Just wanted to say that I decided to forgive ya, bonehead," Raph told the tombstone, almost as if expecting a response. "And that I'm real sorry about what happened with April. I'll do better. I'll look after her better. Promise."

"I'm proud of you, you know."

Raph turned to his companion. "That so?"

Leonardo stepped forward and placed a hand on Shadow's tombstone. "Yes. That's so."

"Huh." Raph cracked a grin. "Well, wonders never cease."

"Speaking of wonders … I wonder what Sensei wanted to talk to Mikey about." Leo's eyes narrowed in thought. His long coat fluttered in the breeze. "It has to be serious, for us to be asked to leave the lair to give them alone time."

"Maybe it's about Mike's cooking. Sensei's probably getting tired of so much chicken noodle soup."

Leo rolled his eyes and assumed a look that, in a human, would probably be described as pursing his lips.

Raph laughed and slung an affectionate arm around his older brother's shoulders. "Seriously?"

Leonardo nodded.

"It probably ain't none of our business, Leo." He glanced down at his best friend's grave and shivered a little—from the cold. Only from the cold. "And it's probably better that we don't know. Probably don't wanna know."

Leo shivered too.

---

She ran from the lair, through the sewers, through the streets, through the city. Still she could not outrun the questions that plagued her mind. What did it mean? Did it, in fact, mean anything at all? Why had he kissed her back? What was he thinking right now? Was he mad? Upset? Hurt?

Most of all, why was a simple kiss the most frightening thing to happen since Casey and Shadow died?

Then her mind and her legs both slammed to a complete halt. She'd arrived at her destination, her getaway and her refuge over the past year, but she hadn't anticipated having company.

"April!"

"Raph! Leo!"

Leo frowned, noticing the look on her face. "What's wrong?"

Desperately she tried to think of a single, semi-plausible lie. It was simple enough. She was a widow, after all, a widow who'd lost her child as well. She had lots of things to be upset over. Instead, she found herself blurting out, "I kissed him!"

"What? Who?" Raph asked in confusion while, simultaneously, Leo groaned, "Oh, _hell_."

---

Mike was humming to himself, stirring the soup that was going to be the family's dinner, when he felt a light smack on the back of his head. He whipped around and glared at the brother who'd just hit him.

"Um, _ow_?" Mikey put down his spoon and placed his hands on his hips.

But Don only glared back. "Tell her, you said! Great idea, you said! You … are … you're … " He waved his hands around a bit, floundering, before he found his traction again. "I am going to murder you. In an especially painful fashion. And I know deadly chemicals. Oh yes, my friend, I know all of them. Not to mention my acquired ad hoc medical knowledge. So don't for one second think that this is some idle threat that—"

"Donatello." The younger turtle's voice was the epitome of calm and benevolence.

"Yes, Michelangelo?"

"What the heck are you talking about?"

Donatello shut his eyes, his chest heaving. He was breathing rapidly—too rapidly. Don seemed hysterical and close to hyperventilating, Mike realized with a sudden twinge of fear. This was so very unlike his brother's usual calm self. Taking Don's arm, Mike gently led his brother to a chair and forced him to sit down. "Deep breaths, Donny," he murmured, rubbing Don's shell in comforting circles.

Don nodded. After a few moments, his breathing slowed. When he finally looked up, Mikey gave what he hoped was a reassuring smile.

Don coughed to cover up his embarrassment. "Uh, thanks."

"Sure. Anytime, bro." Mike bit his lip thoughtfully. To ask or not to ask? That was the question. "So, Donny …"

The other turtle quickly averted his eyes. Hmm. Not to ask, then.

But then, just as Mike was going to let it go, Don whispered in a voice filled with awe and terror, "I kissed her, Mikey."

---

"Damn."

Leo shot his brother a dirty look. "Stop saying that," he snapped.

"Just … damn."

"I mean it, Raph."

But Raph just shook his head as though he hadn't heard. "Donny? Good old Don? Guy who likes his soldering iron just a little too much? _That_ guy?"

April shot him the same dirty look Leo had a moment before.

"Uh, what I mean is," Raph tried again, "what's the problem?"

Leo raised an eyebrow while April's jaw dropped.

"No, really. What's the problem here exactly? You like him, he likes you. Ain't no secret. S'all good, right?"

April's jaw snapped up again. "He likes me? How do you—wait, what makes you say I like him?" She sat down on the ground, resting her back against Casey's tombstone. She'd wondered about Don's feelings but hadn't known with any degree of certainty. He liked her? How much? For how long? Oh, this was getting complicated.

Leo punched Raphael in the arm.

---

"Let go of my arm!"

"Lemme think about it." Mike paused. "Hmm. Sorry. No can do, bro."

Don glowered, trying to look intimidating and mostly failing. "Remember the chemicals? The deadly chemicals?"

Mikey ignored the look and continued dragging his brother along like a disobedient child across the rooftops. "Sure, I remember," he said, with the hint of a laugh in his voice. "They're the ones that will ensure I have an especially painful death."

"This is crazy." Don pulled his scarf higher up with his free hand. He glanced down below to see if anyone was paying them any particular mind but, as it was a fairly late hour, the streets were fairly empty. The only distinguishable sound, other than a distant car alarm and some police sirens, was the soft crunching of their boots sinking into melting snow.

They reached the edge of the roof. Mike let go of Don and pointed to the next rooftop. Don rolled his eyes. "You want me to jump?" he asked, incredulous. Mike nodded. "I've got a hurt side, remember? I can't jump that."

"Dude, you're totally not hurt that bad. Stop being a baby."

Don swore in Japanese, and this time Mikey definitely knew what Don was calling him. It wasn't very nice. But Don gave in, as Mike knew he would, and jumped across to the next roof. And he only winced a little when he landed. Mike followed right behind, gracefully alighting with a small splash.

"I don't think I should see her, Mike. At least, not so soon."

"You were never a good liar, Don. Be honest. You just don't want to see her."

"Fine! I don't want to see her."

A pause. Then just above a whisper, Mikey began singing in his best Mick Jagger impersonation, "You can't always get what you want …"

After a few moments of the serenade, Don heaved a sigh of defeat. "What makes you so sure she'll be there anyways?"

"Because, dear brother," Mike said, enjoying his momentary sense of superiority, "I know about these kinda things. I know people. I know feelings. Trust me."

"Famous last words," groused Don.

---

As it turned out, Michelangelo had been right. But he almost wished he hadn't.

April scrambled up off the ground, while behind her Raph and Leo traded worried glances. Mike put on a shaky smile and grabbed Don by the wrist, holding firmly until he felt reasonably certain that Don wouldn't bolt.

"Hey, Mike," croaked April.

"Hey, April." Mike tugged hard on Don's wrist, and Don lurched forward, losing his balance and almost falling. "Sorry to barge in on you guys, but Donny here wanted to talk to you."

Raph opened his mouth but shut it when Leo punched his arm again. Mikey shot them both a glare. Don stared at the ground, and April kept her eyes glued to Mike's.

"Well," said Leo.

"Guess we better … uh … " Raph trailed off.

"Check on Master Splinter," finished Mikey, letting go of Don and grabbing his two eldest brothers by the shoulders. "Gotta go, y'know, check on Sensei. It's been at least a half hour since he's had any soup. And you know how Sensei loves his soup. So we'll just, uh … go."

Leo nodded vigorously.

As the trio fairly tripped over themselves to get away, Don and April traded nervous looks. "Hi," April said finally.

"Hi."

Only the wind spoke, whistling through the naked branches of some nearby trees. They both shivered.

At last Don cleared his throat. "You know what?" he began, tentatively.

She shook her head.

"It's kind of a secret, but Sensei doesn't really like soup much. Actually, he hates it."

April laughed so hard she snorted.

---

"He's in love with her? I mean, I knew he wanted in her pants—"

"Raphael!"

"—but I didn't know it went as deep as all that. That's heavy stuff."

Mildly exasperated, with a stomach growling its protest at having missed dinner, Mikey turned to his two brothers. "If you both keep talking," he complained, "then we can't hear what April and Donny are saying. Now can we?"

Raph and Leo fell silent. Mike turned around again and peeked out from behind the bushes they'd hidden behind. Some ninjas they were. Could his brothers possibly be any louder? Or any less stealthy?

"Spying on them is wrong, you know."

"Leo, shut up," Mike snapped back, straining to hear.

---

She leaned back against Casey's grave, and he leaned back against Shadow's. It wasn't disrespectful. It was companionable. Comforting. Like a hug from an old dear friend. And it meant that they could talk without having to look one another in the eye.

"I'm sorry I ran off," April said. "Pretty crappy thing for me to do."

"It's okay."

"No. No, it's not. We both know it's not."

He didn't respond for a moment. Then, in the same soft voice she'd heard the day he woke up from Raph's attack, he said, "I forgive you."

She looked down and studied the tips of her boots. "I'm scared," she told him.

"Of me?" He sounded distressed at the thought.

"No! Donny, no!" She turned to him and touched his forearm. He glanced down at her hand, and she jerked it away as if she'd been burned. "At least, not scared like that. Of course not like that."

"Oh."

"I'm scared of what I'm feeling."

Another long pause. "So. What are you feeling?"

She shut her eyes and told herself it was because of the wind. She had lied about being scared. She wasn't scared, she was terrified. Terrified of kissing him. Terrified of seeing him. Terrified of losing him, like she'd lost Casey and lost Shadow.

"I'm sorry," Don offered unexpectedly.

"You're sorry? Why?"

He drew his knees up to his chest and looked, for all the world, like a lost little boy. "Because," he whispered, "I'm a monster."

---

Author's Notes: Glad everyone seems okay with the Don/April, 'cause there's even more coming. Also, while I greatly appreciate the reviews, please don't feel you're obligated to leave one. It's enough that you're reading and enjoying, I promise.


	8. Promises

**Chapter 8: Promises**

Don couldn't help thinking about Mikey's love affair with the _Godzilla_ movies.

Though Godzilla was thought of mostly as a monster, he was also a mutant. The science behind his mutation was, of course, a little sketchy in the way that only old sci-fi movies could be. An atom bomb? Possible, but not likely. But the connection between good old Godzilla's creation (through mutation) and status (as monster) was inescapable. A mutant was a monster was a mutant.

"_So. What are you feeling?"_

Then nothing. No response at all.

Sometimes silence could be an answer unto itself.

---

She was crying. Never had April thought that Donatello, of all people, would or could break her heart. But then again, she'd never thought she'd be widowed so young, either. Life seemed to hold all sorts of nasty little surprises for her.

April knelt down in front of him and grabbed his face. Startled, Don looked up. He reached up and brushed some of the tears away. She opened her mouth to apologize, to beg forgiveness, to confess her love, and instead found herself hoarsely whispering, "You _idiot_. You absolute goddamn idiot."

His eyes never left hers. Sad, patient, understanding eyes. His eyes broke her just as surely as had Casey's death a year before. His eyes said that he really did think he was a monster and, worse, that she thought so too. Worst of all, his eyes silently forgave her for thinking so.

She let go of his face.

"You are not a monster." She reached up to the large rough hands that gently wiped at her tears and squeezed them tightly. "You are Donatello. You're _Donny_."

He looked away. She could feel his hands trembling.

"You're Donny," she repeated, bringing his hands to her lips. She lightly kissed each of his knuckles. "You are the smartest guy I've ever known. Not to mention the nicest. I mean, what's to hate about a guy whose top three loves are his family, his honor, and his Linux operating system?"

He didn't even crack a smile. His eyes glazed over, and it didn't even seem like he could hear her anymore. He was shutting himself down and shutting her out. She hated when he did this. Maybe one more attempt at humor?

"Now it's true, you can't cook to save your life … "

Still nothing. Not so much as an eye-blink. Panic rose in her chest, but she swallowed it down.

"I kept watch over you when you got hurt," she began again, not even realizing what she was saying until the words came out of her mouth, "and I told you that I'd never forgive you if you died on me. I was so scared of losing you. And I'm scared to death of losing you right now, Donny." She paused to lick her chapped lips and to catch her breath. "I can feel you shutting me out, and—and damn you, Don, shutting down is a way of leaving too. You promised you wouldn't leave. You _promised_."

He looked back to her and blinked. Thank God. She'd finally gotten some kind of response out of him.

"I did promise," he acknowledged solemnly.

"Yes. You did. And I know Splinter raised you to be a man of your word." She ventured a small smile. "So stay with me. Please. I love you, Don."

Don looked down at her hands, still holding his own. When he looked back up, he too was wearing a smile. "I love you too," he said, "and I will never leave you."

---

_Nice save,_ thought Mike. He was rapidly developing a whole new appreciation of April's many talents. The crowning touch of Splinter-guilt by proxy? That whole "Splinter raised you to be a man of your word" bit? Beautiful. Just beautiful.

Raph snickered softly. "Don's totally gettin' lucky tonight."

Mike frowned slightly. Ew. Don's room was right next to his.

Leo raised an eye ridge. "You seem pretty okay with this."

"Yeah? Why not? April's like my sister, so I ain't jealous or nothing, if that's what yer gettin' at."

"No, I mean, Casey was your best friend." Leo glanced back toward April and Don. "And April was his wife."

Raph rolled his eyes. "Casey's dead, Leo. Besides, Casey would want her to be happy, y'know, and keep livin'. Find a nice guy. And while Donny _can_ be kinda boring, he definitely qualified as nice."

Leo nodded, and Mikey thought it over. "Problem is," Mike pointed out, careful to keep his voice low, "what if they split? Who do we beat up? April for hurting Donny? Or Donny for hurting April?"

Groaning, Raph and Leo both punched their younger brother in the arm.

---

"Speaking from a biological perspective, there's really very little to be scared about."

"Oh?" She raised a skeptical eyebrow.

He nodded in confirmation. "I'm a turtle. Our life-spans are generally quite a bit longer than those of the comparatively fragile _Homo sapiens_. By the time you're well into Social Security payments, I'll just be entering my middle age." His eyes twinkled. "Not to mention that I'm a few years younger than you as it is, even without compensating for interspecies factors."

"I see. And ninja crime-fighting isn't likely to shave off a few years or decades?"

"April, please." He cocked his head and gave her a lop-sided grin. "I'm a _professional_. Besides, mutant genius turtle versus puny human? No contest."

He knew that she knew he was lying through his teeth. But she laughed anyway, leaning against his shoulder. He opened his coat, and she took the hint and tucked herself inside. "So what you're saying," she mused aloud, "is that when I'm old, I'll have a hot young stud to show off?"

It was his turn to laugh. "That's what I'm saying, yes. Sort of."

"Donatello?" Her voice was suddenly all seriousness.

Oh, no. He felt a flutter in his chest that, though not a medically accurate description, sure _felt_ like his heart skipping a beat. After a moment's pause, he managed to weakly respond, "Yes?"

"There's something you should know."

Don stared down at her, attention rapt.

She smiled, leaned in close, and whispered, "Your brothers are hiding behind those bushes over there."

---

Author's Notes: So April finally set Don straight. 'Bout time, too. Probably just one more chapter after this, though there might be an epilogue. Thanks for sticking around, everyone!


	9. Forgiveness

Warnings: Implied sexual relations at end of chapter.

**Chapter 9: Forgiveness**

"Raph! Mikey! Leo! Get your shells out here," Don yelled. The bushes rustled a little. "I know you're in there, so you might as well."

One at a time three green heads popped up. They looked like little children who'd been caught trying to sneak cookies out of the cookie jar. April tried, unsuccessfully, to muster up some anger at them for spying.

As the three brothers ambled over, she felt Don take a step back from her. She reached for his hand and pulled him towards her—no way was she letting him ever think again, for one goddamn second, that she was ashamed of being with him. She leaned back against his plastron, and after a moment he tentatively wrapped his arms around her waist.

"You stay right where you are," she commanded him, to make the message crystal clear. "Like it or not, you're stuck with me, Hamato Donatello. So you better get used to it."

"Yes, ma'am," he replied meekly, with a hint of something else in his voice. Something smooth and rich and warm shimmered underneath his words. April hadn't heard this tone from him before and tried to place it.

Flirtation, she realized with mild shock. He was _flirting_.

But before she could shoot back a witty retort, Mike, Leo, and Raph had reached them. Forgetting that she was supposed to be irritated with them, April grinned. "What happened to Splinter's soup?" she asked dryly.

"What? Don didn't tell you?" Mikey's brow crinkled in faux-distress. "Splinter doesn't really dig soup all that much."

April playfully slugged him in the arm.

"Now then," Leo began in an official tone, ignoring the groans and eye rolls he received. "Seeing as we're all here together, why don't we go home and eat that dinner we were going to have in Casey and Shadow's honor?"

April smiled. "I'd like that."

Mike's stomach rumbled audibly, and he added, "I think my belly would like that too."

Everyone laughed and headed towards the cemetery entrance.

---

"C'mon, guys," Leo hissed through his teeth, grabbing both Mikey and Raph. He walked quickly and pulled the pair along with him. "The least we can do is give them a little privacy."

Mike glanced over his shoulder, to where Don and April followed at a more leisurely pace. "They're making googly eyes at each other," he told his brothers in a stage whisper.

"Hush, Mikey." Leo rolled his eyes.

Meanwhile, Raph yanked his arm out of Leo's grasp. "Didn't need that arm anyways," he snapped. "So, guys, just how much trouble do you think we're gonna be in when we get back? Considering how late it is and all."

Mike tapped his chin thoughtfully. "On a scale of one to ten?"

Leonardo sighed. His younger brothers could be so immature. But at least they were off the subject of April and Don. Thank the gods for small miracles.

"Yeah." Raph nodded his assent. "Scale of one to ten."

Mikey grinned. "Infinity cubed."

From behind them, they heard Don's voice call out, "Infinity can't be cubed, you know. Infinity's not a number, it's a status."

"Maybe _you're_ just a status," retorted Mike petulantly. Raphael laughed, and even Leo cracked a smile.

---

As they walked away, April glanced over her shoulder at Casey's tombstone. _Forgive me for loving him?_ she silently asked her dead husband. Lightning didn't immediately strike her dead, and she took it as—well, if not a blessing, then at least a good sign. Casey had liked Donatello, after all. They'd been friends. Not as close as Raph and Casey, but friends nonetheless. It wasn't as if she was going off with a Purple Dragon.

Turning back to Don, she whispered, "I almost feel like I'm cheating on him. How silly is that?"

Don nodded. "No, I understand. I kinda feel that way too." He gave her hand a squeeze and continued, "I'd like to think he'd be happy for us, though. I mean, if he was still alive, he wouldn't be happy, of course. He'd still be with you, and of course that'd be better. But since he's not, I mean—"

April silenced him with a kiss. As she pulled away, she had a sudden thought and asked quietly, "How long, by the way?"

"How long what?"

"How long have you, uh, loved me?"

"Oh." He looked up thoughtfully, and she followed his gaze. The sky was clear and sparkled with the light of a million faraway stars. "April, you know when we saved you from Stockman's mousers?"

She chuckled. "How could I ever forget? Actually, if I remember correctly, you took out the first one yourself, with your bo."

"Yeah. I can't believe you remember that, though." He shook his head in amazement and looked over at her. "It was dark in the sewer tunnel, and we couldn't really see you. But then _you_ saw _us_. And promptly passed out."

Ashamed, she looked away. "I am so sorry about that."

"It's okay. Really," he said quickly. "Anyways, you'd fainted. So Mikey picked you up and carried you over to the rest of us. And then the light fell on you, and we could see your face."

She was confused when he didn't continue the story, so she prompted, "And?"

He shrugged. Then a small, shy smile flashed across his face as he concluded, "And that's how long I've loved you—since I saw your face for the first time."

**---**

When the entire motley crew came back happy but tired, Master Splinter was seated at the kitchen table. He observed the five young people quietly, sipping his tea. Leonardo glanced at a wall clock and winced when he saw how late it was. For a moment, everyone stood silent and awkward, awaiting whatever lecture or punishment fate should bestow on them.

But instead of punishment, Splinter only ordered everyone to bed. And instead of a lecture, he only mentioned mildly that Donatello in particular needed his rest.

As the four turtles shuffled off to the bathroom and bedrooms, including a very reluctant Don, April stayed in the kitchen with Splinter. He knew. She didn't know how, but Splinter knew.

"Tea?" the rat asked pleasantly, indicating a pot that remained on the stovetop.

No use delaying the inevitable. April sat at the counter. "Yes, please."

He poured the tea, with gnarled paws made leathery with age, and they drank in silence for a few minutes. Then Splinter set down his cup and pulled contemplatively on his chin fur.

"The old adages are true," he said at length.

"Which adages, Master?"

"I do not feel that I have lost a son but, rather, that I have gained a daughter." He smiled. "Though I must confess, I felt I had gained such from very early on in our acquaintanceship."

"Thank you," said April, at a loss for anything else to say. She took both teacups to the sink and washed them. Even though her back was to him, she could feel Splinter's eyes on her, watching her like a hawk. A very protective mother hawk.

Upon her return, he sighed and said, "Ours is not an easy life."

"I know." Though she appreciated Splinter's delicacy, she decided to cut to the chase. "And I know my life won't be easy, either, but my life never has been. Losing Casey and Shadow nearly destroyed me."

He nodded thoughtfully.

"But here's the thing, Master Splinter," she continued, resting her hand over his. "The only thing more difficult than being with him … would be not being with him."

He looked up and gave her hand a squeeze before letting go. "You must sleep," he told her sternly, "and it is quite late. It will not do for you to attempt to go home at this hour. Please, stay with us."

"I'd love to." She leaned over and kissed his cheek. "Thank you, Master Splinter."

"You are very welcome. Good-night, my child." The matter apparently settled to his satisfaction, Splinter took up his walking stick and slowly made his way to his bedroom.

Surprised, April remained sitting in the kitchen. She wasn't sure what to do. When she spent the night, usually Splinter or one of the turtles would escort her to the infirmary and make a bed for her. Then in a flash it hit her—tonight, Splinter didn't expect her to sleep in the infirmary. His leaving her alone in the kitchen was his tacit approval for her to sleep … where she chose.

She blushed furiously at the realization.

There was no denying where she _wanted_ to sleep, though. And it sure as heck wasn't the infirmary.

---

Donatello lay in his bed, hands folded behind his head. Though to an outside observer he would appear comfortable, even casual, his heart pounded underneath his plastron. He kept very still and tried to hear what Splinter and April were talking about in the kitchen. No way could it be good for Splinter and April to be alone in there. But all he could hear was Mikey humming in the bathroom while brushing his teeth. Absentmindedly he wondered if this was what human males felt when bringing a girl home for the first time.

Suddenly a figure appeared silhouetted in the doorway to his bedroom. Don craned his head forward, hopeful.

"Donny?"

Darn. It was only Raph. "Yeah, Raph?"

Raph stepped into the room and approached the bed. "Just checkin' on ya," he explained. "You were out in the snow for a long time. You need yer bandages changed or anything?"

"Nah," said Don, touched by Raph's unexpected thoughtfulness. "They're fine."

"You sure?"

"Positive."

Raph nodded and turned to leave. He paused in the doorway, however, just as he had when he'd entered. "Don? Are we … are we okay?"

Don sat up. He smiled. "Yeah. We're okay."

"Good. Glad to hear it." Raph cocked his head, as if considering what to say next. "G'night, bro. Get some rest," he finished softly, then was gone.

Still smiling, Don laid back down. His head had barely hit the pillow, however, when another figure appeared in the doorway. The newcomer didn't bother with any greetings but walked straight over to Don's bed. Don's heart started racing again.

"Mind having some company?" Her tone was light but held a hint of nervousness.

He immediately moved over to make room. "Not at all," he whispered, throat suddenly tight and dry. "Not at all."

---

Raphael paused outside Leo's doorway, listening for snoring. He didn't hear any. But then again, that didn't mean his older brother wasn't asleep.

"Might as well come on in, Raph."

Raph hesitated—but Leonardo didn't sound angry or annoyed, just amused. Raph softly padded over to where Leo sat upright in bed, reading a book. He sat down next to him, on the edge of the bed.

"It's gonna be weird," Raph complained crankily.

Leo frowned. "What's going to be weird?"

"Y'know. Don and April."

"Oh." Leo set his book on the nightstand. After a moment of thought, he nodded. "Yeah, it will."

Raph sighed. "Throws off the whole family dynamics and whatnot."

"Kinda."

Raph paused. Then he turned to Leo and grinned. "But they look happy, don't they?" he asked, nudging his brother with an elbow.

Leo grinned back. "Yeah. They really do."

Then, when they heard a soft curse from behind, they both looked towards the door. Michelangelo stood holding a blanket, a pillow, and his stuffed teddy bear. Without a word he walked in, tossed his stuff on the floor, and began setting up a makeshift bed.

Clearing his throat, Leo said, "Mike?"

"Uh-huh?" Mikey laid down and pulled the blanket up around his shoulders.

Leo traded a puzzled look with Raph. "What are you doing in my room?" he asked, careful to keep his tone neutral.

"I'm trying to get some sleep. What's it look like?" Mike sounded irritated. His head popped up, and he scowled at his two eldest brothers. "Which I can't do in my own room, because I can hear _them_ through the damn bedroom walls."

It took a second for what Mike was saying to sink in. When it did, both Leo and Raph burst into hearty, full-bodied laughter, while Mikey continued scowling at them. But then, after a beat, Mike cracked a grin and joined in the laughter.

---

Author's Notes: Again, many thanks to those who have read and reviewed. And thanks to those just reading for the first time, as well! I am quite honored that everyone has had such kind things to say, and I am so pleased this story has touched you. The TMNT characters are wonderfully rich, and I hope I've done them some bit of justice.

For those interested, my next major TMNT piece will be more action/adventure oriented, though still with lots of character exploration, and is tentatively titled "Enter the Black Ghost." A short blurb: "Splinter is dead, April is missing, and the Hamato clan is estranged. Will a mysterious stranger bring them together … or bring them to their demise?"


End file.
